Staff Pix 10/20: In Guncles We Trust
Werk! The Milk Crate staffers picked their favorite guncle tunes by and for the aging gays, presented with blurbs worthy of a promotional sticker on a jewel case. Tune in Fridays from 3-4PM EST to the Staff Pix radio show.
Gabriella Collin
“groove is in the heart” by deee-lite
I don’t have a guncle, I have a guant. My 60 year old Aunt Carla, to be exact. When she was my age, she was listening to The Cure, Bauhaus, Depeche Mode, and any combination of underground punk artists in New York in the 80s/90s. “Groove Is the Heart '' is a Trixie Mattel certified classic, and a reliable song that gay bars and DJ’s can fallback on when all else fails. The beginning flourish in this song might be familiar to Tyler, the Creator the fans, as it is sampled in “I Ain’t Got Time!”. It also features a verse by Q-Tip, best known as MC for A Tribe Called Quest. My mom says I’m an old person in a young person’s body, and this song scratches the itch of someone who secretly wishes they would have experienced queer nightlife in the 90s. It’s danceable, and the brief hip-hop interlude makes for great trivia at Club Cafe. Groove is in the heart, baby.
Jules Saggio
“OH! you pretty things” by david bowie
This song is so passive aggressively glamorous in sound and tone. That’s the only way I could describe it. David Bowie can be my honorary guncle (rest in peace). When you look into the song’s lyrics you realize that the song is about the world being taken over but a superior being and it’s not so glamorous anymore. Which is why I’m convinced Bowie can make anything sound opulent and tastefully snazzy (I don’t know how I feel about the word snazzy). Anyhow, yes, David Bowie is the guncle and my fellow bi-con.
Lily Suckow Ziemer
“rich girl” by Daryl Hall and John Oates
Daryl Hall and John Oates have never come out as queer, but to many they are queer icons. This is largely because they almost leaned into the rumors that they were gay. Many believe the two were a couple. When questioned about this they denied it as Hall said that Oates wasn’t his type. They also caused uproar with a Rolling Stones cover that they knew “looked gay.” “Rich Girl” is one of the duo’s most famous songs with its catchy lyrics, but most people don’t know that it was initially about a rich boy. Even though the boy was just an ex of Hall’s girlfriend, they were forced to change the lyrics because it leaned into the gay rumors. In all likelihood, Daryl Hall and John Oates are probably just queer baiters, but their willing association to queer communities still means a lot to their fans.
Lia Klug
“Since u been gone” by kelly clarkson
I do not actually have a Guncle but I feel like I do because I listen to a shit ton of the Las Culturistas podcast with Bowen Yang and Matt Rodgers (consider this a plug for their podcast as well). And boy do they love Kelly Clarkson! Who doesn't tbh! If you’re not belting Kelly in the shower then what ARE you doing? Kelly Clarkson even recently appeared on their podcast! Such a light in this world truly and a comforting presence for anyone coming into their own. The way they speak about Kelly you can just really tell she had such a positive impact on their development as young gay men. Additionally, MUNA recently covered this song at one of their concerts which I feel just really pulls the whole vibe together. (P.S. Just in case Matt Rodgers or Bowen Yang somehow find this I just want to say I am not calling you old, you are simply older than me. Hugs!)
Julia Norkus
“Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels” by Todrick Hall
Despite the fact that I have no guncle, and that my older brother (hi gay!) is still waiting to inherit the title, I like to view myself and my brother as honorary guncles while we wait for our straight brother to push out a little ankle biter. So maybe it’s the fact that I saw Ms. Todrick in the Boylston alley this week, but something about this song just makes my aging bones feel alive.
Stephanie Weber
“I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross
This is the most iconic gay anthem to exist. Even though it “came out” in 1980. To “come out” for LGBT people means to tell people about your sexuality so singing about coming out in the early ‘80s was a huge deal. Ross isn’t queer herself, but she is an icon in the LGBT, maybe the icon. So many drag queens impersonate her and countless remixes of her song have been made. Although I’m not an older gay man, if I were born during the late-disco era and lived during Ross’ golden days (no slight to her, her current music is great) I would so love this song. The radio edit of “I’m Coming Out” is just under four minutes but the full version ranges anywhere from five to seven minutes, with a full saxophone solo during the bridge. I have a Gay Uncle and he probably doesn’t listen to this song, but he should and you should too.
Payton Cavanaugh
“Hard Way Home” by Brandi Carlile
Unfortunately for me I don’t have a guncle but if I did I think they would definitely appreciate some of the same queer icons I do, like Brandi Carlile. Hard Way Home is an ode to finding beauty in the uncertainty. Growing up, going through the trials and tribulations of girlhood and sexuality, I found comfort in Brandi’s discography. Hard Way Home is an honest anthem of growth.
Nel Blinman
Outcast Stomp by G.L.O.S.S
My guncle is dead. He died a long time ago, and we never got to meet. But I’ve often thought that if he were alive, we would be good friends. And I think he’d be happy with all the change that has happened, that he never got to see. If he were around today, I think I’d show him this song. Mostly because I think he’d like it, but also because I’d like to thrash around and headbang with him. Always the outcasts.
Serenity Holland
“Dancin’ in Circles” by Lady Gaga
I’m dancing in the kitchen with my imaginary guncle while the popcorn bowl is spilling over on the couch, and Legally Blonde is paused on the T.V. My imaginary guncle just told me all I need in life is Lady Gaga and lip gloss to make me happy.
Ellie Abbey
“Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy” By Queen
Not to be too on the nose, but this is a Good Old-Fashioned, state of the art Guncle hit. I mean honestly, what’s more fruity than Queen? Well, other than the Wiggles’ hit, “Fruit Salad”? This song has just the right amount of kick and flair to be fun and to be loved by most any age group, but specifically those who fall into the beloved Guncle category. Freddy Mercury is everyone’s highly talented Guncle in spirit anyways.
Izzy Desmarais
“The Bitch Is Back” by Elton John
Opening track off his eighth studio album, Caribou (1974), Elton John’s “The Bitch Is Back” was my 18th most streamed song in 2022. It is effortlessly fun, and you can’t help but tap your foot or wiggle in your seat when it comes up on shuffle. I’m sure my Uncle Bob loves this song.