“Crybaby,” High School, and Growing Up: How Tegan and Sara Covet Queer Culture

Graphic by Karenna Umscheid

By Stephanie Weber

This past summer, I took a nine hour journey to Virginia Beach with one of my good friends, and of course we made a playlist. My friend added “She Has A Girlfriend Now” by Reel Big Fish. It ends with a memorable voiceover: “I was at the Tegan and Sara concert last week. They were selling hotdogs and I was like ‘No thank you.’” The reference to Canadian twin-sister duo Tegan and Sara sparked an ongoing conversation about lesbian music culture and how it has changed since we were young. Although I didn’t start listening to Tegan and Sara until recently, many of my queer friends don’t know who Tegan and Sara are, let alone their impact on the LGBTQ+ community as musicians and authors. Nonetheless, Tegan and Sara continue to uphold their icon status with their new album, “Crybaby,” and television show, High School, both released this past month. 

“Crybaby” maintains the traditional Tegan and Sara electronic, indie pop sound accompanied with lyrical themes about being a young adult in a small town, breakups, and making independent choices. Although “Crybaby” is their tenth studio album, it’s full of Tegan and Sara’s original dance party vibes, layered with jutting vocals and references to queer culture and the lesbian experience. The album opens with “I Can’t Grow Up,” a song perfect for that one coming of age a party scene in a gay romcom. It encapsulates the whole album, presenting a narrative about being in a relationship that’s fizzling out but not wanting to break up because being alone is worse than staying together. The repetition of the line “How do I know when it’s time to let go?” follows the timid refrain, telling the listener that setting boundaries and breaking up will always be difficult, regardless of maturity or age. 

Dream pop song “All I Wanted” serves as the second track, creating a chill mood to sway to in the background, perfect for the wallflowers of the world. Despite the song being danceable, it’s heartbreaking at its core, with lyrics like “I’ve gotta walk away” and “Now I’ve got nothing.” “All I Wanted” describes the desires of the storyteller, presumably from Tegan and Sara’s perspective, and what she wants from this relationship. “Right person, wrong time” narratives dominate this track, documenting the falling out of the sad relationship. “F*****g Up What Matters” and “Yellow,” the next two songs, follow the same pattern of breaking up but still missing each other. Both songs are slow and melancholic, with heavy drums and light guitar. 

The mood changes with “Smoking Weed Alone,” released as a single prior to the album drop. Falling back on their earlier electronic work, Tegan and Sara bring accountability to the forefront with lyrics like “If it’s a choice/it’s my choice” and “If it’s my fault/That’s my fault.” The upbeat musical elements shift the album from being a breakup album to one of change and healing on a personal level.

“Faded Like A Feeling” may be the most heart-wrenching song on the album. Its agonizing lyrics are about finally seeing that one person you’ve been craving, only to see each other as strangers despite having a long history together. The song is slow and sob-worthy. It’s reflective and acts as a mirror to the rest of the album—we get to see all the thinking that the protagonist has been doing in her relationship, ready to take the next steps to get over her breakup. “I’m Okay” follows, bringing the album back to life and answering the question of how this person is really doing. Even though she’s “okay,” the next track “Pretty Shitty Time” shows the ways that our protagonist needs someone to fill this well of loneliness. The protagonist we’re rooting for is reaching out for help, hoping to receive the support she deserves. 

Rather than the universe giving her another relationship, the protagonist looks within herself for support and love, shown in the electronic pop song “Under My Control.” Lyrics like “I should start working on myself again/Get these feelings that I feel within/Under my, under, under my control” let the listener grow with the protagonist. Although Tegan and Sara frequently sing about queer relationships signposted by the pronoun “she,” the use of “she” in this song is not to signal an external relationship. Rather, with lyrics like “She says we gotta long life ahead,” Tegan and Sara sing about how looking inside yourself for strength and support is crucial for healing. 

The last three tracks on the album, “This Ain’t Going Well,” “Sometimes I See Stars,” and “Whatever That Was,” are tough at their cores. The protagonist is having a difficult time with the transition to single life and getting over this breakup. They’re hard to listen to, cutting close to our lived experiences as fallible lovers and reminding us of past relationships we’ve tried so hard to forget. The lyrics “When this started, I was sure that/This would be easy, I was looking for easy” are devastating—all I want to do is reach out and give this person a hug for all the hardship she’s gone through. The last song on the album closes with the repeated line “I don't think about you much at all,” showing the ways that our protagonist has grown from being in a difficult relationship, dealing with the repercussions of a breakup, and working on herself just for the relationship to linger in the future. 

“Crybaby” was released following the first season of the new television show High School. The show is based on Tegan and Sara’s 2019 memoir with the same title, documenting their lives growing up as twin sisters, reveling in their newfound queer identities, and grappling with hardships like the divorce of their parents. The show adaptation follows Tegan Quin (Railey Gilliland) and Sara Quin (Seazynn Gilliland) on their transition to a new high school, making friends and leaving old ones behind, and discovering music that connects them together. It’s directed by Clea DuVall and is now streaming on Amazon Freevee. 

Not only is the show about the musical talent of Tegan and Sara, but it also includes other notable acts of the ‘90s. The show opens on a Björk interview, Tegan learns to play guitar to “Pennyroyal Tea” by Nirvana, and a whole episode is dedicated to going to a Green Day concert, not to mention the countless Smashing Pumpkins posters in the girls’ bedrooms. Spoiler alert: there is a gut wrenching breakup in the show. 

“Crybaby” is the perfect follow-up album after finishing the show, connecting the adversities the twins face with the ability to become your own person and overcome difficulty. Tegan and Sara never cease to make my queer heart swoon with joy and break at the same time, pulling me apart and then putting me back together again in the span of 40 minutes — whether it’s through an album or a TV show.