Staff Pix 3/11: Milf Crate
The Milf Milk Crate staff considers their favorite tracks surrounding MILFs: songs by mothers of both humans and dogs, songs that tap into the turbulence of motherhood, and songs about Stacy’s mom. Tune in Fridays from 1-2 EST to the Staff Pix radio show.
Karenna Umscheid
To Zion by Ms. Lauryn Hill feat Santana
Announcements of pregnancy for female artists seem to be greeted with disappointment, a solemn understanding that their career will be sidelined, their music releases delayed indefinitely in favor of their child. Quite the opposite happened to hip-hop shenom Ms. Lauryn Hill. Giving birth to her first child, Zion David, cured Hill from a spell of writer’s block and made way for her to create The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, an album whose impact I could not fit into a blurb. The track “To Zion” speaks to her new motherhood and her decision to have her child, as she sings “But everybody told me to be smart/ ‘Look at your career’ they said/ ‘Lauryn, baby, use your head’/But instead I chose to use my heart.” Hill proves, gorgeously, that music only gets better with an entry into milfdom.
Izzy Desmarais
You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette
Queen of ‘90s alternative rock, Alanis Morissette, doesn’t hold back in “You Oughta Know.” Arguably the most iconic breakup song of all time, its lyrics are unapologetically honest and Morisette’s passionate vocals deliver the same amount of intensity one would expect during a heated argument. She perfectly encapsulates the raw and ugly emotions anyone would feel after a breakup, especially if the relationship didn’t end on the best terms. To put it simply, Alanis Morisette is a badass, and if that isn’t enough of a reason for her to be considered a MILF, I’m not sure what is.
Lily Hartenstein
Bitch I’m Nasty by Rico Nasty
Rico Nasty is the modern embodiment of punk. Her very name is taken from an insult thrown at her on the bus, with her lyrics full of fierce wit and unashamed self-confidence. A badass on every level, she knows it and hides nothing about who she is. She has spoken in several interviews about the death of her boyfriend while she was pregnant at 18 years old, and how that tragedy and her son’s life have shaped her. In the closing scene of her documentary Coming Up, Rico is shown on stage, dedicating “Bitch I’m Nasty” to young mothers. “I’m a girl, so you know they told me I couldn’t do it. I got a baby, so you know they told me I couldn’t do it.” She screams: “DO. THAT. SHIT.”
Sophie Severs
Does Your Mother Know by Mamma Mia Cast (ABBA)
Step aside Meryl Streep, Christine Baranski is the ULTIMATE MILF in Mamma Mia. Baranski’s cover of ABBA’s “Does Your Mother Know” turns the typically male-sung song on its head, as her character Tanya tells a young suitor to cease his advances in this fiery three minute track. Before launching into song, Tanya states “Little boys who play with fire get their fingers burned”— serving not just a message to her youthful suitor, but to audiences who should know that Baranski is not a MILF to be messed with.
Will Ingman
Fur Lined by How To Destroy Angels
Mariqueen Maandig is not your traditional MILF. As vocalist for West Indian Girls and, more notably, post-industrial supergroup How to Destroy Angels, her otherworldly vocal style finds perfect harmony with the nightmare-electronica of her longtime collaborator (and husband) Trent Reznor, and the “two weird artists made for each other” kind of love they have gives their individual creative talents an unbreakable backbone. It must be really cool being one of their five kids.
Julia Norkus
Amoeba by Clairo
As the ultimate dog parent, Clairo is the type of milf I aspire to be. Her most recent album, Sling (2021), is all about motherhood– but in unconventional ways. Whether it be in regards to our relationship with an animal (like Clairo being a mother to her dog, Joanie) or simply to pay tribute to the women and other individuals that raised us, “Amoeba” combines a groovy bass line with poetic lyrics to share Clairo’s experience of growing older. She reflects on the sacrifices her own mother made during Claire’s childhood, and some regrets that she has in the way she’s treated her mother after going out on her own. “Amoeba” recognizes the experience of those in their early 20s, or even those just starting to live on their own, where they may feel invincible and that their social lives are more important than family. Regardless of this feeling, Clairo wants you to know that even when you go out into the world, or when you become a parent to a dog, a cat, or a human infant– you’re never too old to call up your motherly figure for guidance.
Everly Orfanedes
Mrs. Robinson by Simon and Garfunkel
You cannot deny that Simon and Garfunkel created the milfiest anthem in the 1960s with the release of the film classic “The Graduate.” Simon and Garfunkel wrote the song for the film, where the catchy tune is featured. It is hard to argue that Mrs. Robinson is a milf, this is a milfy song, and Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel are genius songwriters, especially when it comes to songs about hot moms.
Lydia Aga
Same Ol’ Mistakes - Rihanna
The Bajan mother-to-be brings soul to Tame Impala’s hypnotic closing track from “Currents”. Rihanna’s hazy vocals whisks you away into a dream, but the bassline directs her voice back to reality. The song shimmers with R&B infused melodies all while breaking away from Rihanna’s typical sound. Like Kendrick Lamar & Beach House, Beyoncé & Ezra Koenig, Saba & Day Wave, Rihanna’s cover of Tame Impala’s “New Person, Same Old Mistakes”, is one of many instances where unexpected music worlds collide.
Nia Tucker
Mother Nature’s Bitch by Okay Kaya
Okay Kaya’s rich, whimsical musicality and her deep, woodland-creature-like hums, culminate in a minute and a half long ditty about free will. It’s a danceable tune ridden with existential anxiety, with her opening the song saying “Please give a warm welcome to this current mood,” opening the door for all of us to spiral under the will of mother nature and her master plan for humanity.
Sarah Fournell
Piece of Me by Britney Spears
Britney Spears is the MILF everyone wants a piece of. She is perhaps one of the most judged celebrity mothers, for simply existing with children. The mother of two sons called out the world for attacking her motherhood with her hit song “Piece of Me.” An icon for MILFs everywhere, Spears expressed her frustration as a mother with the lines “Guess I can't see no harm/In working and being a mama/And with a kid on my arm/I’m still an exception.” Under her conservatorship, she was kept away from her children, in addition to having her basic rights stripped away. Now, with her newfound freedom, she’s happier, healthier, and has become even more outspoken about how the media once treated her as a mother.
Maura Cowan
The Mother by Brandi Carlile
A quiet and earnest reflection on parenthood against the odds, Brandi Carlile’s “The Mother” is perhaps not the most obvious selection for a lighthearted tribute to music’s MILFs (milves?). Carlile details the little things about the balance of raising a child while pursuing a career… as well as existing as a lesbian in a world that still often actively denies LGBT people the right to marriage and parenthood. So sweetly, she sings to her child, the (at the time) toddler Evangeline, “You are not an accident where no one thought it through/ The world has stood against us, made us mean to fight for you/ And when we chose your name, we knew that you’d fight the power too.” With that message, I cannot think of a mother whose work I would like to highlight more.